Tag Archive | Purity

Crossing the Line

Crossing the Line
By Anonymous

Taboo, a word to describe the topic of losing the one thing you can never get back, your purity. Let me share my story.

I never understood why it was important to remain pure until marriage-until I lost everything that was important to me by making that one mistake. Now I know I could quote all the scriptures about a man not touching a woman and what not, but I think personal experience would speak volumes in this scenario.

Let me preface it with this small metaphor, when you barbecue, the best way to get ready is to prep the coals slowly, it takes time and a little effort and then everything just flows. However, the other way is to spray lighter fluid all over the coals, but the fire just bursts up quickly and you gotta keep spraying it and spraying it and eventually it can work into a full blown blaze. But anything that is a product of that flame has a funny taste and just doesn’t work right. That is what a premarital relationship is like. It looks like fire (Love) and for a brief second even feels like love but then it just burns out, tainting everything it comes into contact with.

I had always promised myself and God that I would make my love “worth the wait” and keep myself pure, I went through the ritual of the blue ribbon every year with my youth group and the first year I could not, it broke me. I had fallen. The constant repetition of my sin was constantly tainted with the foul taste of guilt knowing I was doing it wrong: outside the confines of marriage. Pretty soon my relationship began to fall apart, we built a bond that should have never been made before marrying this woman I claimed to love.

My selfish lust cost me that love.

For both of us our mentality changed, even our outward appearance changed-every time I would bring her to my hometown, people thought I was dating a different girl and people could see my demeanor changing even my physical appearance. It destroyed me. Our entire relationship changed, we began biting at each other, fighting all the time and didn’t get along unless we were continuing in sin and after each time a renewed promise to God and each other that we wouldn’t continue, but yet every time we got together it was what we did.

Finally one night God told us each in our churches that if we did it again He, God, would strip us of our relationship. We took to heart the warning but only in thought, it was easy to say okay when we were separated by miles, but when we got together we failed each other, God and ourselves.

Within 3 weeks our entire relationship fell apart, everything we held dear to ourselves-each other-was required of us. You see, God had invested too much in us, and had we continued on the holy path and kept our courtship holy we would have been allowed to get married in the will of God.

Premarital relationships are nothing more than the outlet of our own selfishness, I mean let’s call it what it is. We get what we want at the cost of what we hold dear, I didn’t realize how ugly I was until I took the scales off my eyes and decided to be truthful and look in the mirror. There I stood with all the ugliness of my iniquity and I had to make a trip back to the altar and rededicate myself to the vow of abstinence.

In the end I stood at an altar of repentance with my cross in one hand and my vow in the other and with tenacious resolve telling myself and the next woman in my life, “I love you enough after ‘I Do’ to tell you that ‘I won’t right now.'” You ask, “Well how far can we go?” Wrong question. You should be asking, “How far can we stay away?”

This file may be copyrighted and may be used for study and research purposes only.

Posted in AIS File Library, IN - Inspirational Stories and Illustrations, INTE - Testimonies0 Comments

How to Teach Moral Purity

HOW TO TEACH MORAL PURITY
Terry Smith

I THESSALONIANS 4:3 (PHILLIPS) “God’s plan is to make you holy, and that means a
clean cut with sexual immorality”.

I. MORAL PURITY . . . THE PROBLEM AND THE NEED

Every teenager will face very real decisions concerning their moral purity, especially sexual temptation. It is so important that the church provide practical teaching in this area. The problem of moral impurity and the need for moral purity are issues which must be addressed. Most young people in our churches want to be pure, but in an impure society, it is difficult to maintain true Godliness. We must help them face this very difficult area of their life experience.

A. THE PROBLEM . . . MORAL IMPURITY

1. Statistics show that the question of moral purity which we are concerned
with is no longer much of a question in our society. (When we speak of
moral impurity, we will basically be discussing the issue of ‘sexuality.)

-Sexual activity has tripled among teenage girls in the last two decades. (In the 1960’s, 10% of teenage girls were sexually active; now, over 50% are.)

-By age nineteen (19), 70% of girls have had at least one sexual experience.

-Four (4) out of ten (10) teenage (sexually active) girls will become pregnant before marriage.

-Virginity is scoffed at (both male and female) by the supposed teen role models in popular movies, music and books.

-Even though “everybody isn’t doing it”, the media and other humanistic entities would like to make it seem that only weirdos aren’t. All secular music insinuates “everybody is doing it”. What teenage television star would stand in defense of purity? We live in a rotten, impure society. Morality is hardly discussed anymore. Now we have them ‘speak of protection, etc., but certainly not in advocation of abstinence.

2. The more serious problem is the effect ‘society’s demoralization has had on the church. As much as we would like to ignore it, the salt has lost some ‘savor. (And wherewith ‘shall the earth then be salted?)

-Which youth leader has not been wounded to hear fornication is in his or her youth group?
-Which church, regardless of stature, has not been wounded when a teenage girl acknowledges pregnancy from wedlock?

a. We who are to salt the earth must remain pure! Sadly enough, society has seemed to influence us more with impurity than we have with purity. (We can change that! We will change that!)

b. This problem is not new. The Apostle Paul dealt with it several times in his writings. He seems to sum his teaching up in I Thessalonians 4:3 . . . “God’s plan is to make you holy, and that means a clean cut with sexual immorality”. (PHILLIPS)

B. THE NEED . . . MORAL PURITY

1. God’s plan is to make us holy. (I THESSALONIANS 4:3) This is central to the issue of moral purity.

a. All the attributes of God center around the fact that He is holy. There is nothing impure or unclean about Him. Holiness is almost indefinable, but it has much to do with God’s spotless, sinless character.

Sin seperates us from a holy God. It was God’s divine intention in the beginning for man to have fellowship with Him. But, of course, because man sinned, he could no longer be in the presence of a Holy God.

b. Thank God for His own sacrifice at Calvary. Because a holy, sinless God died for an unholy, sinful world. Those who believe and obey His gospel have the sin question resolved. We identify with His death in repentance, we are baptized in His name and have our sins remitted. And we receive His Holy Spirit and enter into His Kingdom–a place of restored fellowship.

In salvation we are justified. It is “just as I had never sinned”. Legally we are dead to sins. Legally His holiness is imputed to us. He makes us holy. But, in practical experience we know that holiness is a continual quest. Experientually, we still
must stay away from sin, and we do sin, repent, confess and receive forgiveness.

c. God is calling for a holy people. He made provision for this through Calvary. But we still must allow Him to continually make us holy. Why? So we can stand in His presence in purity.

-EPHESIANS 4:22-24 (22) “That ye put concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; (23)And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; (24)And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”

– The question of moral purity is not so much one of heaven and hell as it is a desire to be holy. To be in a spiritual position of purity wherein He can “make us holy”. We must repent of our sins and strive for purity. God longs for a holy people.

II. TEACHING MORAL PURITY TO YOUNG PEOPLE

A. THE BASIC NEED . . . A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS

1. We must lead young people to a relationship of Loving Jesus Christ. They need to experience His love to such an extent that they love Him more than a momentary fling in the backseat of a car. They need to love Him to the point that they want to be holy, and they long for purity, not just in the issue sexuality, but in every aspect of life, attitude and actions.

2. Fear is the beginning of wisdom. A healthy respect for a holy, awesome and “terrible” God is necessary. But fear motivation only lasts so long. We must teach the beauty of an intimate relationship with this God that is made possible because He make us holy. (Holiness can only be imputed to those who are truly repentant . . . which is an attitude away from sin and towards God followed by a turning away from and to God.)
a. How many times can we yell about the judgment of God without it wearing out? Hell is difficult for a young person to comprehend. But if they know Jesus in the beauty of relationship, they will not want to do anything to separate themselves from Him.

b. Young people do need to be reminded of judgment at times. But perfect love will cast out the need for fear. I JOHN 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” A relationship with Christ should be the basis our teaching of moral purity. When you then speak at times of judgment, love will make it more meanful and effective.

B. SOME PRACTICAL TIPS

1. Don’t flinch! Don’t compromise! Be straight!

-Young people need to be told right from wrong. A good youth leader will not vacillate on the issue moral purity. Tell it straight!

-Most of us will feel awkward and even embarrassed teaching on this subject. You can do this using scriptural terms in practical settings that will not cheapen the issue, but will be straight forward.

2. BE HONEST

-Youth leaders are human. We were tempted (even Jesus was). Perhaps some of us have even made mistakes. We must share the reality of our humanity by being human. Don’t compromise your integrity by doing this, but don’t be someone who can’t relate to their teenage situation.
3. BE TOUGH . . . WITH LOVE

-Love your kids enough to be tough. If you hear that there is some “hanky-panky” going on, get “angry and sin not”.

-“This is a serious matter. You are messing up your relationship with God. You need to decide what you want, a physical thrill or Jesus.” Let those kids sense our resolve. You are serious about this.

4. GET THE KIDS SAYING THE RIGHT THINGS

-A great way to lay some general rules that stick are to get them established with input from the kids. Closely monitored group discussions are especially good for this.

-For instance: Set up a panel with three respected girls and three respected boys. (it would help if they were popular in the group.) Have the kids write in questions. You screen them and read them to the panel. Question . . . “Should I kiss on the first date?” What do you think those kids will say in front of you? Their answer will be correct most all the time, and when the group hears it from them, it sticks. This will leave the door open for you to comment on physical affection, the dangers, how far is too far, etc…

C. AN EXAMPLE LESSON ON “MORAL PURITY”

There are many way to approach this subject. There are a lot of books being written, etc. This is an example of a point in one youth pastor’s most used lesson on dating.

D. MORAL PURITY . . . FOR YOUR OWN GOOD .

-God created sex. Attraction for the opposite sex is perfectly normal. But God created sex only for marriage. In fact, some have begun to refer to sex as the “act of marriage” because this is the only place for it. God is not against the act of marriage, but He is very much against sex outside of the marriage.

-It is not always easy to be morally pure. Most young people will admit that they have faced sexual temptation. You might as well accept the fact that if you’re a normal young person you will face this temptation sometime in your dating experience. You need to decide now that you are going to please God and say no to sexual temptation.

1. Why not? Here are a few reasons:

a. You are God’s property I CORINTHIANS 6:18-20

-Your body is God’s temple.

-His or her body is not yours, it is God’s.

b. You are dating someone’s future wife or husband.

-You probably will date several “wrong-ones” before you find the “right one”. Don’t forget . . . that wrong one will someday be someone’s right one.

-Your future mate may be on a date with someone right now. How would
you want them to act? Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

2. God says no!
NO! -abstain from fornication I THESSALONIANS 4:3

NO! -let it not be once named among you . . . fornication
EPHESIANS 5:3

NO! -body is not for fornication . . . but for the Lord
I CORINTHIANS 6:13

NO! -flee fornication (because your bodies are His Temple!)
1 CORINTHIANS 6:18

NO! -abstain from . . . fornication ACTS 15:20

3. How far is too far?

-Fornication in the New Testament implies sexual intercourse outside of marriage.

But, how far is too far?

Q. 1. Do you obey the guidelines taught by your pastor and parents?

Q. 2. Does your conscience condemn you? I JOHN 3:21 “Beware, your conscience can become hardened and ineffective if not listened to.” Ask yourself . . . is my moral standard as pure as it was six (6) month’s ago? one (1) year ago? two (2) years ago?

Q. 3. Do you lose control? II TIMOTHY 1:7
A. 1. No? – Too Far / 2. Yes? – Too Far / 3. Yes? – Too Far

4. Some of the consequences of moral impurity.

a. Your relationship with God is seriously injured.

– Sin separates us from God.

– Sin will ultimately bring judgment.

b. Your dating relationship is seriously injured.

-Moral impurity will ultimately destroy your relationship, not draw you closer as some think.

-You will face these consequences in your relationship.

1. Breakdown of communication.

-Being involved physically seems to overshadow every other part your relationship.

2. Mistrust.
– “Who else has he or she done this with?”

3. Loss of respect.

-For yourself for lowering your moral standard. For the other for being a part of it.

4. Bitterness.

-You become bitter at each other for violating your moral standard.

5. Loss of spiritual fellowship together.

-You no longer feel comfortable discussing spiritual matters together.

c. Physical consequences.
– Pre-marital pregnancy is becoming more common even in the Church. One (1) out of every six (6) teenage un-married girls become pregnant. God forgives and forgets, but those involved will live with it forever.

-And, just for the record, V.D., Herpes and other sexual diseases are spread by moral impurity.

5. Seven known facts

Science has established seven known facts concerning the probable effect of premarital sex on a marriage.

Fact 1: Premarital sex tends to break up couples.

Fact 2: Many men do not want to marry a woman who has had sexual intercourse with someone else.

Fact 3: Those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages.

Fact 4: Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have their marriage end in divorce.

Fact 5: 1 Persons who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extra-marital affairs (especially women).

Fact 6: Having premarital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for you.

Fact 7: Premarital sex will cause a couple to be less satisfied with the act of marriage overall.
III. A CALL TO REPENTANCE . . . AND REVIVAL

A. A CALL TO REPENTANCE . . . AND FORGIVENESS . .

1. Some will fail. This is sad but true. When they do, we who are spiritual must restore the weak. (GALATIONS 6) We must teach them to repent. Repentance will allow God to make them holy. Holiness can only be imputed to those who have changed their mind toward their sin, and their ways. Repentance will cause them to confess, and therefore we are promised forgiveness.

-I JOHN 1:7-10 (7) “But we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin”. (8) “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”. (9) “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. (10) “If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us”.

I JOHN 2:1-2 (1) “My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous”: (2) “And he is the propitiation sins: and not for our’s only, but also for the sins of the whole world”.

-The consequences of moral impurity will be felt, perhaps forever in the flesh. (The Bibles says fornication is a sin against the body.) But God has provided forgiveness through His blood.

2. It would do all of us well to walk in continual repentance. “All of us
have sinned and come short of the glory God”. (ROMANS 3:23) In fact, it seems that God is calling the entire church to rid itself, by His grace, from all our impurity. God have mercy on us.

B. A CALL TO REVIVAL . . . AND HARVEST
1. We are the salt of the earth. Young people need to be made conscious of their responsibility to a lost generation. How can we expect this generation to be pure if we are not? To change their ways if we flirt with theirs? We can’t expect to reap a harvest unless we have a true revival . . . a revival of true holiness.

a. MATTHEW 5:13 “Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have
lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

c. II CHRONICLES 7:14 “1f my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their Land.

2. We need to influence and change our generation. We have been influenced by the world too much. We need our righteous influence to change our world. We can win the battle against sin and its’ influence, but we must win this battle in ourselves, youth groups, and churches first. A truly holy people will change the world! PROVERBS 14:34 “Righteousness exalteth a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people”.

The above article, “How To Teach Moral Purity,” is written by Terry Smith. The article is pages 9-16, retrieved form the YouthQuake Seminar Notebook of 1983.

The material is most likely copyrighted and should not be reprinted under any other name or author. However, this material may be freely used for personal study and research purposes.

Posted in AIS File Library, YMGE - Youth Ministry0 Comments

Teens & Sex: The Moral Purity Challenge

Teens & Sex: The Moral Purity Challenge
By Stephen Arterburn

Recently, Jim spoke at a large high school in central California on the subject of sex and dating. In a school poll taken before he spoke in favor of abstaining from sexual intercourse until marriage, the kids were asked to choose one of the following:
1. I will choose to have sexual intercourse before marriage.

2. I will choose to not have sexual intercourse before marriage.

3. I am undecided.

When school counselors tallied up the results, 68 Percent of the student body were undecided! After Jim’s presentation, only 24 percent were undecided. The vast majority chose abstinence. They made a commitment to wait until marriage. Many kids don’t take the “sexual-purity challenge” simply because it’s not offered to them. Let’s look at what one husband and wife are doing in this area.

The Sexual-Purity Challenge

As busy parents, John and Carolyn do a marvelous job when it comes to helping their three beautiful daughters deal with one of the most dominant issues of life: SEX. Along with several thousand other concerned parents, John and Carolyn are offering the “sexual-purity challenge.”

Between the ages of 10 and 13, each daughter has accompanied her parents on a special weekend outing. Each one picked the place to stay (within financial reason) and whatever fun experience she wanted. Tawnie chose a play in Los Angeles. Stephanie wanted to hang out at the beach. The youngest, Amber, chose a Los Angeles Lakers basketball game. How’s that for diversity

During each special outing, John, Carolyn, and one of the girls played hard and ate fun food. The theme of each weekend was the sexual-purity challenge. They talked a lot about the birds and the bees. They listened to a tape together and read a chapter from Jim’s book Radical Respect. Each daughter was different. The two more outgoing girls talked and talked, asking questions that made John and Carolyn blush a little. The quietest child listened, took it all in, had a great time, but didn’t say much.

On Sunday, before they returned home, John and Carolyn asked each daughter, “Are you willing to say to God, ‘I commit my sexuality to you and will refrain from sexual intercourse until marriage’ ?“ Each girl said yes without pressure, and the parents gave each daughter a little necklace as a reminder of taking the sexual-purity challenge.

Let’s be honest. Will every kid who made a decision at school or with parents to remain abstinent until marriage actually do so? No. Depending on which poll you look at, at least 50 percent of the teenagers in the United States have already had sexual intercourse by age 18. But “everybody” isn’t doing it. We parents need to help our kids make the right and wise decision to refrain, and our efforts will make an impact.

A couple who attended Jim’s youth group decided years later to get married. Jim had the privilege of doing their premarital counseling and performing the wedding. During the counseling, he always has a session on sex. Frankly, couples usually squirm a bit in that session. In today’s world, most people who enter a marital relationship after age 18 aren’t virgins —including Christians.

Derrick started the session by saying, “I know we are going to talk about sex today, and we wanted to tell you a story.” Immediately Jim got ready for a negative one. But to his surprise, it was quite positive. Derrick continued: When Jennifer was in tenth grade, she sat in a Sunday school class you were teaching, and you asked the group to make a commitment to remain sexually pure. She made that commitment and kept it. At camp a few years before that, you were giving your “sex talk” and asked us to wait until marriage. At that camp, I made a commitment to do just that. Just yesterday, Jennifer and I were talking about the fact that we are the only virgins we know and how even for us it hasn’t been easy. I asked her what kept her from “going all the way.” She told me her Sunday school story. I told her my camp story. We sit here today to tell you this stuff works!

Jim’s response? Not surprisingly, he got choked up. Jim speaks to more than one hundred thousand students a year about sex, and he still finds the latest statistics hard to believe.

• Twelve million teens are sexually active. Eight out of 10 males and seven out of 10 females report having had intercourse while teenagers.

• If present trends continue, 40 percent of today’s 14-year-old girls will be pregnant at least once before age 20.

• By age 20, 81 percent of today’s unmarried males and 67 percent of today’s unmarried females have had sexual intercourse.

• Fifty percent of all sexually active 19-year-old males had their first sexual experience between the ages of 11 and 13. Among nonvirgins, 50 percent of the boys and 18 percent of the girls first had intercourse at age 18 or younger.

• Seventy-four percent of teenagers say that they would live with someone before marriage or instead of getting married.

• More than 500,000 babies are born each year to unmarried American girls under age 18. Furthermore, about 80 percent of these teenage mothers are from low-income families.

• Teenage mothers cost taxpayers about $16 billion a year in welfare benefits alone. (The cost in dollars is only a minor aspect of what happens in the lives of pregnant teenagers and teenage married couples. The emotional and spiritual damage done to sexually promiscuous young people creates even greater damage.)

Contrary to what many kids learn today, there’s no such thing as “safe sex.” The safe-sex movement in our world has relegated sex to an action without taking into consideration the emotional, psychological, and spiritual issues. The sexual-revolution crisis is perceived quite differently today, depending on people’s perspectives. The popular, secular view is that the crisis is the “result” of promiscuity: AIDS, venereal disease, and unwanted pregnancies. However, the Christian perspective is concerned with the development of healthy morals and values—right and wrong—and deals with the issues of sin and obedience to God. The Christian view of sex takes into consideration a responsibility for one’s actions and people’s relationship with God.

Unfortunately, most young people receive their sex education from the media. As mentioned previously, the average high school student had the opportunity to watch 14,000 acts of intercourse or innuendo to intercourse on prime-time TV in 1991, and he or she will watch an average of 10 hours a week of MTV this year. Kids today are fooled into “instant intimacy” because of such blatantly promiscuous sex. Television, movies, and much of rock music glorify sex and fill kids’ senses with activities, images, and remarks about sexual activity while downplaying the responsibility that sexual activity requires.

However, even more unfortunate than the media’s treatment of sex is the fact that only about 10 percent of children today receive positive, Christian sex education. Did you? Probably not. Even with the outstanding material on sexuality available to families and churches today, it’s sad to say that we, as Christian parents, have done a poor job overall of helping our young people deal with this dominant issue. Sexuality isn’t an easy subject to discuss with our kids but it’s unfortunate that so many parents and churches have remained more or less silent.

Our silence is really hurting this generation of young people who desire to hear the truth. Many kids have learned myths rather than facts about sex and its powerful consequences. An entire generation of young people has been left to experiment and learn about sex on its own. The lack of positive moral standards and basic understanding about sex often leads young people to participate in premature sexual activity.

You Can Make a Difference

We believe that most parents really desire to talk with their kids about sex. Unfortunately, most parents didn’t receive positive, healthy sex education when they were growing up, so they have few or no role models to guide them in helping their children. If you’re one of the vast majority of parents who care deeply about their children and yet aren’t exactly sure what to say about sexuality or how to bring up the subject, don’t be alarmed. Here are a few suggestions:

Be Willing to Talk About Sexuality

Kids need adults — especially parents — who will talk openly and honestly about sexuality and will listen. By doing so, you may prevent your kids from having some very negative experiences. You will also be giving them the gift of a healthy attitude toward sexuality and encouraging them to use one of God’s most special gifts to us as He intended.

Parents always ask us, “What do we say to our children, and at what age?” To answer that question, we want to tell a joke.

One afternoon, seven-year-old Johnny came home from school, walked into the kitchen, and asked his mother, “Hey, Mom, what’s sex?” Her face tuned bright red, but not wanting to appear too shocked by the question she fumbled for the right words to say. Where my husband when I need him? She thought. This question was supposed to come about six years from now!

Composing herself, she asked Johnny to sit at the kitchen table, poured him a glass of milk, and placed a plate of cookies in front of him that he happily received. She then proceeded to explain every detail of the birds and the bees to Johnny for the next 45 minutes. Johnny didn’t say a word; he just ate those cookies! When she finished telling Johnny basically everything she knew about sex in explicit detail, Mom took a deep breath and said, “Well, Johnny, do you have any questions?”

He looked up, puzzled, and said, “Yeah, just one. How am I supposed to put all that on this soccer application where it says; Sex, M or F, please circle?”

Of course, Johnny’s mother misread his question, but her situation illustrates a key point. As parents, we need to discuss sex in a positive, healthy way with our kids. However, sex education must be age appropriate. Our secular media and even our public school system have given kids too much too soon. It’s like feeding a piece of steak to a baby who has no teeth. The baby chokes. But the opposite extreme is also dangerous. Some parents wait until it’s too late. Let’s quickly review a few more facts.

More than half of the high schoolers in the United States have had sex, according to a Centers for Disease Control survey. The following breakdown by grade reveals how high the percentages are;

• 9th grade —40 percent

• 10th grade —48 percent

• 11th grade —57 percent

• 12th grade—72 percent

When Jim speaks to junior high and high school students about sex, he encourages them to write out questions. Here’s a sample of the questions asked recently at a “Handling Your Hormones” youth event that more than 800 kids attended at Chuck Swindoll’s former church in Fullerton, California. (Most of the kids were Christians.)

• How far is too far?

• Is it possible to get the pill without your parents knowing?

• How often do married people usually have sexual intercourse?

• Is oral sex okay?

• How do girls masturbate?

• How do boys masturbate?

• At what age do boys have their first erection?

• When is a girl’s most dangerous time of the month? Is the pill expensive? Is the pill dangerous?

• What types of VD are there?

• I’m afraid of AIDS. What can I do to not get it?

• If you participate in oral sex, are you still a virgin?

• Will God condemn you if you have premarital sex? Will He forgive you?

• What can a guy do if he has a problem of lust toward other guys? How can you handle it without having to be gay?

• Does God forgive Christians who have had abortions?

• After someone has been sexually abused for years and hasn’t told anyone about it, how can someone try to forget and deal with it?

As you can see, kids aren’t just interested in the biological aspects of their sexuality. These types of questions are always asked. Interestingly, in recent years, kids are asking more and more questions about sexual abuse, homosexuality, pornography, oral sex, abortion, and birth control.

Teach Biblical Sexuality
We believe that today’s generation of kids actually desires morals and values. Growing up in a basically value-neutral society hasn’t given kids a healthy sexual foundation. A 17-year-old woman recently told Jim, “This is the first time in my life I’ve ever heard that God wants me to abstain from intercourse until marriage. Now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense.”

It’s important for kids today to realize that the Bible speaks to important issues of the day. God created sex, and He views His creation as being very good. He wants the best for His children; that’s why He places limits on premarital sexual activity.

Here are six Scripture passages that directly speak to our children (and us parents) about sexuality. We took this from an excellent article in Discipleship Journal by John Nieder:

Genesis 1:27-28 and 2:18-25:

1. God created two distinct sexes.

2. God told the man and the woman to have children.

3. The man was created incomplete and in need of a helper.

4. No other creature could meet the man’s need.

5. God made a woman to meet the man’s need (and vice versa).

6. The man and the woman were supposed to join their lives and their bodies for life.

7. The sexual relationship was commanded before sin entered human experience.

Samuel 13.1-20:

1. Inappropriate sexual desire can lead to sin.

2. Wrong friends encourage wrong behavior.

3. Sexual sin often involves deception.

4. We should avoid potentially compromising situations.

Intense sexual desires can cause irrational actions.

When lust is fulfilled and desires diminish, the ensuing guilt may result in hatred. Once the immoral act has occurred, irreparable damage has been done.

Alienation, hatred, and even violence can result from sexual sin.

Proverbs 5:

1. Children should follow their parents’ wisdom.

2. We should watch out for and avoid sexual temptations and sensuous allurements.

3. Sexual sins have terrible consequences.

4. We should flee temptation.

5. Sexual immorality can lead to disease.

6. Sexual intercourse should occur only in marriage

7. Marital love is to be enjoyed.

8. God watches everything we do, including our sexual activity.
1 Corinthians 6:9-20:

1. Sexual sins can be forgiven.

2. Our bodies are devoted to God, not to sexual immorality.

3. Our bodies are important enough to be resurrected.

4. We should flee, not fight, temptation.

5. Sexual sin hurts us and can harm our bodies.

6. God owns us.

7. Jesus died to purchase us, so we should honor Him with our bodies.
1 Corinthians 7:1-9:

1. Unmarried people have a greater freedom to serve God.

2. Sex outside of marriage is always wrong.

3. The solution for passion is a marriage partner, not a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

4. God wants married couples to have free access to each others’ bodies.

5. Men and women, husbands and wives, have strong sexual desires.

6. A couple’s spiritual union should be more important than their physical union.

7. Free access to one’s spouse reduces sexual temptation.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8:

1. Living a pure life pleases God.

2. God’s will is that we avoid sexual immorality.

3. God wants us to learn how to control our bodies.

4. Our methods of controlling our desires must be holy and honorable.

5. The way we control our bodies will differ from the methods of unbelievers.

6. Gratifying our sexual desires outside of marriage offends and detracts from the other person.

7. We shouldn’t take advantage of another person in order to satisfy our sexual desires.

8. These standards come from God, not from man.

9. If we disobey these instructions, we reject God.

The Bible isn’t a sex manual, yet it’s very clear on certain sexual issues. Far too many kids today believe that God is the great killjoy when it comes to sex because they honestly don’t know what the Bible says about it. A whole group of kids today has heard only what appear to be negative verses or unreal expectations when biblical sexuality has been discussed.

As parents, we must present biblical sexuality positively. God created sex. In the confines of marriage, it is wonderful. He put sexual boundaries in the Bible because He loves us and wants the best for us. Far too many young people are moving into marriage with a great deal of sexual-related baggage from previous relationships. God knows how devastating that baggage can be.

Following are questions we ask young people who have been having sexual intercourse or who are close to compromising their virginity. We’re convinced that any couple contemplating premarital intercourse should look at and deal with these questions honestly.

1. Will premarital intercourse lessen the meaning of intercourse in marriage for either of you? (Notice that in all these questions, both people are included in the decision-making process.)

2. Does your conscience make you feel uneasy during or after sexual intercourse? Could this be the Holy Spirit challenging you?

3. Are you both equally committed to each other?

4. Are you totally convinced in your hearts that the other person is “the one” forever?

5. What do you believe the Bible has to say about premarital sexual intercourse? Here are a few verses to look at: 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8; 1 Peter 2:11; 1 Corinthians 6:13, 18-20; Ephesians 5:3; and Acts 15:20.

7. Will having sexual intercourse before marriage damage in any way your relation ship with each other?

8. Could premarital intercourse damage your communication or result in either a loss of respect for or mistrust of each other?

9. Will premarital intercourse help, hinder, or not affect your spiritual relationship with each other?

10. Have you thought through the possibilities of parenthood and marriage because of pregnancy?

11. What are your motives for having sexual intercourse? Are they pure?

Find Positive, Healthy Resources to Share with Kids

There are many excellent resources available for kids and parents on this subject. Use the gifts and abilities of others to help your child receive appropriate sex education.

We know there’s hope. As parents, we can make a difference! Please don’t leave all the responsibility of sex education and prevention of pregnancy to people who care less about your kids than you do. Listen to the words of Alice, age 18:

6. You both seem to desire God’s best for you. Will having sexual intercourse affect your usefulness to God or your relationship with Him?

I really believe I’ll be a virgin on the day of my wedding. My parents were always open about sex with me. They challenged me to give my body to God. I’ve done that. It’s not always easy, but my commitment is strong, thanks to the input I received from my folks.

This article may not be written by an Apostolic author, but it contains many excellent principles and concepts that can be adapted to most churches. As the old saying goes, “Eat the meat. Throw away the bones.”

Posted in AIS File Library, YMGE - Youth Ministry0 Comments


Log in / Logout

Subscribe Today!

Options

CLICK TO VIEW ISSUE 30-10

Archives