3 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People
I know you don’t have difficult church volunteers, right? So just skip today’s article if you’ve never had to deal with a challenging personality. The reality is, we’ve all served alongside people with personalities that, well, let’s just say – aren’t too pleasant. Sometimes it’s tempting to think how wonderful ministry would be if we didn’t have to deal with difficult teams, dysfunctional committees, irritating co-workers, or anyone who has a different opinion, or way of doing things. But that wouldn’t really be ministry, would it?
Ministry leadership is the ability to function with all members of the body of Christ, in such a manner that God is glorified and people are served. Even Jesus had to endure difficult and challenging people. Is it possible that God places difficult people in our lives to grow us? To make us more loving? More forgiving?
When Jesus was on the cross, he prayed to God saying, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” I believe this is sound advice for us as well. When dealing with difficult people, we need to model Jesus’ example:
1. Pray for them. Jesus could have used his last moments to pray for the un-difficult people in his life. His mother and father. His followers. The sick and the poor. Instead, he prays for the ones who gave him the most difficulty. Prayer is the first step when dealing with challenging people. It prepares our heart and attitude for reconciliation.
2. Forgive them. Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek – because he was the master cheek-turner. This principle has influenced world civil rights leaders and movements from Mahatma Gandhi, to Martin Luther, to Desmond Tutu. The first pastor I served with in ministry helped me learn that if I didn’t forgive those who hurt or disappointed me, I’d never be able to minister to them – or minister with them. Forgiveness sets the stage for working together to do kingdom work.
3. Train them. I called a church the other day and a volunteer receptionist sounded rather put out at my request to be connected to the pastor’s office. (A difficult person, I’m thinking!) In her frustration, she finally confessed that she didn’t know how – no one had trained her on the phone system. In addition to skill training for their service, are you training your volunteers, staff, and team members on “speaking the truth in love”, conflict management, hospitality, and perhaps, even basic communication skills? Develop people by training them to be successful.
Our church, and our world, is filled with “difficult people” – including us! Practicing Jesus-style leadership can help us move forward in developing people, and growing ourselves and our ministries.
Bob D’Ambrosio is one of the lead consultants at Church Volunteer Central.
This article may not be written by an Apostolic author, but it contains many excellent principles and concepts that can be adapted to most churches. As the old saying goes “Eat the meat. Throw away the bones.”
This article “3 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People” by Bob D’Ambrosio was excerpted from: www.churchvolunteercentral.com web site. January 2011. It may be used for study & research purposes only.