By: Dr. Walter G. Fremont

I. Marriage is based on the character of the participants (Ephesians 5:14-19)

A. A born-again Christian, Ephesians 5:14; John 3

B. A spirit-filled Christian, Ephesians 5:18,19; Galatians 5:22,23 Spiritual life affects married love and married love affects the spiritual life. Married love is a perfect example of the believer’s relationship with Christ.

II. Love: an unselfish or self-sacrificing desire to meet the needs of the cherished object. A mental attitude. I Corinthians 13:4-7,11– childish to mature, holy love.

A. Involves:

1. Understanding the partner’s needs, Proverbs 17:27;14:1

a. Women: security and homemaking
b. Men: ego and physical (food and love)

2. Giving: The circle of love, II Corinthians 9:6-8; Luke 6:38 If children don’t learn to love at home, they find it very hard to love people.

B. Love is:
Spiritual Mental & Emotional Physical
der-telling Loving in little things Care in your contact

III. Communication: Ephesians 4:22-32
5 rules: v. 25 Be open and honest.
v. 26-27 Talk up instead of blow up or clam up.
v. 28 Be industrious. Take full share of
v. 29 Edify by what and how you speak.
v. 30-32 Forgive with kind, tenderhearted spirit, I
Corinthians 13:4.

IV. Rejoice and give thanks in everything (Ephesians 5:19,20;
I Thessalonians 5:18) What for? (Romans 8:28; John 10:10) Are you enjoying the abundant life? How? (Psalm 107:8) Praise the Lord seven times a day (Psalm 119:164)

V. Duty of the wife: submission and obedience–loses freedom but gains the benefits of security and protection (Ephesians 5:22-24)

A. Ephesians 5:22-24–God’s rank of authority

B. I Peter 3:1-6–To develop inner beauty; meek and quiet spirit
I Timothy 2:9,10–Modest and discreet with good works
Titus 2:4,5–Obey: teach to be obedient
I Corinthians 14:34–Keep silent in church–be obedient

C. I Timothy 2:11-15–Woman is weaker–was deceived

D. I Corinthians 11:3,7-12–Woman was created for the man

E. Genesis 3:16–Result of God’s curse–rule over thee

F. Check list for wives:

1. Are you submissive and obedient?

2. Do you have inner beauty?

3. Will you pray for your husband every day?

VI. Duty of the husband: love and leadership–husbands love your wives (Ephesians 5:25-29)

A. As Christ loved the church. As you love your own body.

B. Don’t be bitter against them. Colossians 3:19; Proverbs 18:22 Ephesians 4:26-27,31 Anger–I Corinthians 14:20

C. Bitterness:

1. Creates negative mental attitudes resulting in bickering and belittling.

2. Interrupts communication–indifference.

3. Kills warm emotional feelings–coldness.

D. Love, meeting the needs of his wife (affection and security), keeps the husband from being dictatorial, (I Peter 3:7)

E. Check list for husbands:

1. Do you tear down instead of build up your wife?

2. Do you disagree with your wife’s discipline of children?

3. Do you buy and use the car without her knowledge?

4. Do you make your wife beg for money?

5. Do you plan the family vacation yourself?

F. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage.

VII. One flesh–the physical relationship (Ephesians 5:31-33)
Ephesians 5:31–leave father and mother–family interference breaks up marriage. Join or cleave–glued together (Greek)
Matthew 19:5,6; Mark 10:6-8
Genesis 2:24–“one” same Hebrew word used in Deuteronomy 6:4
Note the contrast in A, B, and C below: In marriage, ONLY the one-flesh relationship is God-ordained and honorable. God hates sex outside of marriage–fornication and adultery.

A. Hebrews 13:4–Honorable, bed undefiled
Puritan view–pleasure and pleasing of the senses was denied.
Psalm 51:5–Does not teach the physical relationship as sin. Hebrew parallelism of vs. 2,3,7–gin nature passes on at

B. Proverbs 5:15-23–Rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Be satisfied and ravished with her love. Proverbs 18:22–Obtains favor with the Lord.

C. Frequency–I Corinthians 7:1-5

To avoid fornication. Get married and give love to the marriage partner (vs. 2,3) Don’t live unto yourself (vs. 4). Meet your partner’s needs. Don’t defraud or rob the partner of that is rightfully his or hers (vs. 5). Exception: With mutual consent, for a time to fast and pray. Come together again so Satan will not tempt. The physical communication of married love becomes mechanical and animal unless the spiritual and psychological communication is first emphasized! Warning: Keep the marriage boundary. With feelings, the line between, the spiritual, emotional, and physical is very thin.

D. Children are desirable (Psalm 127:3-5;128:3). Don’t judge others on the number of children they have. Childless couples–let Gad answer your prayers (Matthew 21:22).

VIII. Children obey your parents (Ephesians 6:1-3; I Timothy 6:1-6)

A. First commandment with promise (Exodus 20:12).

1. Colossians 3:20–pleasing to the Lord.

2. John 14:21–shows love.

B. The remedy for disobedience.

1. Under the law–Exodus 21:15,17; Deuteronomy 21:18-21

2. Under grace, chasten–Hebrews 12:7-9; Proverbs 19:18

3. How? With a rod–Proverbs 23:13,14; 22:15; 13:24; 3:11-12

IX. Fathers train your children (Ephesians 6:4; Joshua 24:14-24) Represents law and order; God image. Time – Testimony – Training: Salvation, Study the Word, Separation, Surrender, Soulwinning

A. Proverbs 22:6–Teach by creed and deed. Who is teaching your children? TV? Ungodly schools? Playmates?

B. Isaiah 28:10–Line upon line, precept upon precept.

C. Proverbs 4:1,2–Hear the father; gives good doctrine Proverbs 8:13–the fear of the Lord; 1:8 beginning of knowledge; and 9:10 wisdom

D. Deuteronomy 6:6,7; II Timothy 1:5–Family altar The Supreme Court decision ruled prayer and Bible study out of the public schools. Father’s neglect rules them out of the home.

(The above material was published by Dr. Fremont, Dean, School of Education Bob Jones University.)

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