How Do I Save My Lost Husband?
By: Roger Evans
Possibly the most perplexing question that a Pentecostal wife could ever ask herself is, “How do I save my lost husband?”
This is a question that plagues so many in Pentecost. Over the years that I have been in church I have had a lot of dealings with lost husbands. I have played some part in seeing many that were saved, but some unfortunately died lost.
Other than the Holy Ghost the wife is the most important factor in the redemption of the lost husband. The wife can either be a powerful influence or a devastating hindrance in his redemption process.
I work at one of Mobil Oil’s refineries. On one of our units probably the most violent acid in the world is used in the refining of gasoline; it is hydrofluoric acid. It will eat everything from glass to
concrete. Unbelievable precautions must be taken when handling this acid. One drop on your body will quickly eat through to the bone. When used correctly, this acid has the ability to take a low grade gasoline and raise it’s octane to make it into a very potent, valuable fuel.
However, as powerful as this acid is a small amount of soda ash will instantly neutralize it and render it both harmless, and useless. A similar situation can take place as the mighty power of the Holy Ghost works in the life of an unsaved man. A wife that behaves herself unwisely can in but a foolish moment completely nullify what has taken God years to accomplish.
When I see a new lady receive the baptism of the Holy Ghost and her husband is not in the church, I immediately take an interest in him. I guess I love working with unsaved husbands because I was once one myself.
I would like to offer a few thoughts and suggestions to the wives for their consideration that may help in winning their lost mates to the Lord.
When you received the baptism of the Holy Ghost you were filled with an unbelievable joy and a great desire to share this found gift with everyone. Let me enrage you to never let this hunger die. this new joy there are a few things that wife needs to realize. First of all, her and does not have the Holy Ghost as does. He cannot see the things that she sees, neither can he feel what she feels for he still has an unregenerate carnal mind.
“Because the carnal mind is enmity against God for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be” (Romans 8:7). “Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God” (John 3:3).
One thing that often accompanies the joy of the Holy Ghost is a feeling of astonishment. You are shocked that you could not see the necessity of this precious gift before. You will want to immediately share this revelation with your mate, and you are certain that he too will want it. But, very often the husband is skeptical and if the wife is not careful she will give in to the urge to try and force him to quickly accept this strange new experience. The wife should stand back and take a look at this situation from his viewpoint. You are not acting like the same person that he has known for so long, and people fear what they do not understand.
Another thing to remember; the unsaved husband is not only fighting his carnal mind and his fleshly nature, but the powers of darkness that will begin to move against him. Now that you have been saved there is the possibility that he may be reached also. However, the forces that once influenced your lives and rocked your souls to sleep will now turn on him. Things like this you must hide deep within your heart and never forget.
For God’s sake don’t rush home and attempt to give him a crash Bible Study Course on this subject. Just understand what is going on when perhaps he begins to get a little cranky.
Often when men get under conviction they will try to get away from the drawing power of God by filling their lives with an unusual excess of vices. It might be anything: television, or drinking, old friends, or even religion. I’m thinking of one man I’ve been working with for some time. He ran to the refuge of his church. He has buried himself by being active in anything that he can in this church, even though before his wife received the Holy Ghost he was just a member. So far he has been my greatest challenge.
One thing that makes this man so unique is he is Vietnamese. Asian men are very different from American men in many ways. Working with him is unlike anything I have done before, but with the help of his patient wife I feel Jesus Christ is going to reach him.
Wives, try and remember what you went through before you were filled with God’s Spirit. Your husband is now in that same life and death struggle. Though it may not look like it at times, you can be assured that God is dealing with him. His old nature does not want to die and will put up a fight for survival. Sometimes this process will end quietly. Often it will go on for some time. What ever you do, don’t grow impatient.
Another thing that may happen, he may become critical of you and the church. This very often occurs but remember what Jesus said, “But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house” (Mark 6:4).
One of the worst things that you can do in this situation is to think you have to defend the church and get into an argument with him. Wounds received during an argument over the church take a long time to heal. The old saying, “Actions speak louder than words” is certainly true. The long term, silent example of your life style will be the best answer that you could possibly give to criticism.
A wife must not grow impatient with her unsaved husband; don’t ever push him. Men have a lot of pride, so never tell him how bad he is. He probably realizes it more than you do, though he won’t admit it. If you strip him of his pride, you humiliate him. This raises a barrier between you. This is true with every one in the world.
When you sit through a good service at church you might consider not rushing home and telling him all about it. Perhaps you might wait until he asks how church was before telling him. Remember he has limited spiritual understanding, so just briefly share with him some of what happened that night. Don’t try and preach the entire sermon to him. Feed him slowly and gradually as a child. With the Lord’s help his understanding will grow over time.
Use much wisdom in witnessing to him. You might try leaving some notes laying around in your Bible or a sermon tape. Often a husband’s curiosity will get the best of him. He may read your Bible or listen to a tape when no one is around. If you suspect that he has, don’t ask him how he liked it.
Once you receive the Holy Ghost you want to spend as much time with the people of God as you can; this is natural. What ever you do, do not alienate him. Try to be the best wife that you possibly can; be his closest friend.
Don’t neglect your house work. This is a mistake that I’ve seen several wives make. It has terrible consequences. When your husband comes home have everything in order. You do your part and Jesus Christ will do his.This next suggestion should be discussed with your pastor.Once in a while you may feel the need to miss a service and spend the evening alone with him. The devil will surely make him feel left out, he might even feel as though he is going to lose you. Remember to clear this with your pastor first.
Another thing that you must be careful of is mentioning the paying of tithes. Some husbands have no problem with this. The carnal mind has trouble with this subject. I know tithing would have greatly upset me before I received the Holy Ghost. Use great wisdom on this subject.
We have talked about an unwise and an impatient wife. Now let’s look at a carnal-minded wife.
Perhaps this lukewarm warm wife gets her feelings hurt by someone at church. Instead of praying about it or talking to the pastor she heads home and unloads on her poor husband. The husband’s natural reaction is anger, and usually this will be directed toward the church as a whole. Perhaps some time later the wife prays and makes things right with the party that up set her. Where does this leave the poor husband and his opinion of the church?
Allow me to go a step farther. Suppose it was the pastor that upset the wife. Maybe he didn’t speak to her or she took something that he preached as personal. Instead of her going to the pastor privately and talking to him she goes home and spews this on her husband. The wife may even pout and stay home from church for several services. She may start attending another church. Later she comes to her senses and realizes that she was wrong. Now she has the almost impossible task of reestablishing the credibility of the pastor and the church to her unsaved husband. Wives don’t ever bring church trouble home, no matter how small it may seem. Any remark about the church should be positive.
I’ve seen this same scenario more than once and too often it pushes the lost husband beyond reach. There has been several situations where I thought I had the husband within my grasp only to be swept away by the wife’s actions. I suggest that if you have allowed this to happen to you, for the sake of your husband’s soul ask God to forgive you and confess what you have done to your spouse. Then you must go to your pastor and make things right with him. There is no way that the Lord can work in your life unless you repent and correct this situation your husband’s blood will be on your hands on Judgment day. If this would have happened to me, then I doubt if I would have ever gotten into the church.
Another way to throw a stumbling in front of your unsaved husband is to live a double life before him. This can include things such as your conversation and the way that you dress. Even people that don’t have the Holy Ghost can see through hypocrisy.
As a layman and working with an unsaved spouse there are areas I never venture into because they are strictly for the pastor. I would never encourage a wife to leave an unsaved husband, even if he is abusive. I would never pry into their intimate lives. I would direct the wife to seek the Lord in earnest prayer and counsel with her pastor and his wife and no one else.
Sometimes it may seem as though God has forgotten about your unsaved husband, but don’t despair have faith in Jesus Christ. We humans tend to look on the outward man. I’ve seen God save men that I would be ready to give up on. I’m a prime example of this. My wife will tell you she didn’t think that I would ever receive the Holy Ghost.
I would visit once a week to Sunday School with my long hair and beard, my sandals with no socks, and my cocky attitude. I was hoping someone would say something that would offend me so I would have an excuse to never come back. But she set a good example and they over looked my outward appearance and attitude and loved me right into the Kingdom of God.
There is a lady in our congregation that was in church whenever I started attending and that was over twenty years ago. She prayed for her lost husband ever since I can remember. He was a paratrooper on D-Day during the Normandy invasion. This man opposed the church ever since she received the Holy Ghost. I thought that God would never be able do anything with this hard core man. All that I could ever get out of him was a frown whenever I would speak to him. Much to my surprise, about a year ago during a Sunday morning service the Lord filled him with the baptism of the Holy Ghost while sitting in his wheelchair. God called him home shortly after. This was one of the greatest miracles I have ever seen in my life. It was all made possible by the Holy Ghost, and a faithful wife.
One other thing that you might remember. Stop concentrating on your husband only and try reaching as many people as you can for the Lord. Keeping your eyes on only one person will often destroy your faith. Give yourself to the work of the Lord.
I’ve seen so many wives over the years whose spouses merely attend church. They are faithful in attendance but, that’s about all. They have very little joy in life and often look like they have been sucking lemons. God is limited by our actions and involvement for him. Jesus said, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom.
1 have had the pleasure of working with some great ladies over my past twenty years in Pentecost. Together we have reached their husbands and often their children. In one such instance, we gave a Home Bible study at a woman’s home, (with her husband’s approval). With her good example and the Holy Ghost we reached her husband, three sons, two daughters-in-law, and her nieces; a total of seven souls.
The life style and example of the wife may be the only bible that her husband will ever read. Her conversation and manner of life may be the only sermon that he will ever hear preached. I believe the wife can either make or break the unsaved husband.
Ladies ask yourself, “Am I a stepping stone, or a stumbling block to my husband?” I promise, if you will never set a bad example or say anything negative concerning the church, be your husband’s wife and best friend, and involve yourself in the work of God, He will do everything within His power to save your unsaved loved one.
The above material was published in the August 1995 issue of the Louisiana Challenger, pgs. 7&10. This material has been copyrighted and may be used for research and study purposes only.