Of Sex and Shamefacedness: Women Beware!
By Carol P. Clemans
A husband who was a deacon in the church looked at me in a counseling session with his wife regarding his addiction to pornography and said, “Why do I have to have the same temptations at church as I do on the job? Do I have to come to church with my eyes shut?” He went on to explain that in operating his business, he has to deal with women in the world who dress exposing more of their bodies than necessary. When he comes to church, there are some women who dress in clothes that are too tight and too short.
For many years I have had to counsel men who want to be set free from the addiction of pornography. For many of them, the addiction started in their preteen years through exposure to the wrong type of magazines and similar situations. One 20 minute exposure to porn has the power to create an addiction. The picture is imprinted on their brain. The more exposures, the more pictures are imprinted and the worse the addiction.
If self-gratification takes place while looking at porn, then a chemical “high” is produced in the brain. This repeated activity leads to the horrible hold of addiction to pornography. In actuality, it’s a production of an internal chemical addiction. Dr. James Dobson and others say that it is the most difficult addiction to overcome.
A Woman’s Responsibility
Holy Ghost-filled women need to understand that tight clothes, short skirts, or dresses that are barely to the knees and slits up the side of their longer tight skirts are a stumbling block to men. God created men to be visual in their natural attraction to the opposite sex. God did not create women in the same fashion. Most women look at men and may wonder how they could emotionally attach to this man. Most men look at women and sexual thoughts can immediately occur.
Remember, before the choice to sin in the garden, sexual desires would not have created a problem. Yet the devil has taken the gift of sex that God gave to the human race, and he has brought destruction to many souls through selfish sexual desires that were not in God’s original design.
Looking through a Man’s Eyes
Since I have become much more aware of how men see things, I have begun to try to see things from a man’s perspective. Watching women praise singers on the platform with tight, too short clothes, moving with the music, is a major distraction for men. If a woman sits on the platform, her dress should come at least to mid-calf when sitting with knees together and legs uncrossed. Whether sitting or standing, the less exposure of bare skin head to toe and the looser the clothes, the less tempting it is to look and lust.
My personal Holy Ghost dress standard has always been not too tight, below the knee (close to mid-calf or below) and not too low-necked. A wife can be as sexually free with her husband in private as she wants, but she should not flaunt her sexuality to attract other men. If clothes are made from a thin material, a slip needs to be worn. Always look in the mirror before leaving home, and ask yourself how God would respond to the way you are dressed.
Paul wrote, “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness” (I Timothy 2:9).
Shamefacedness has to do with purity of heart. The commentary from the Life in the Spirit Study Bible says, “(1) Modesty involves dressing in such a way as not to draw attention to the body or to cross the boundaries of proper reserve. The source of modesty is one’s heart of inner character; i.e., modesty is the outward manifestation of an inward purity. (2) Dressing in such a way as to stimulate impure thoughts or desires in others is as wrong as the lust it provokes. No activity or circumstance justifies the wearing of immodest attire that would expose the body in such a way as to stimulate lust in someone else. (3) . . . In a day of sexual permissiveness, the church should act and dress differently from a corrupt society that throws aside and ridicules the Spirit’s desire for modesty, purity, and godly restraint.”
A woman of God can be the victim of her husband’s sexual addictions. It destroys marriages and families. All women who love the Lord need to have a commitment with God not to be a source of sexual temptation in dress or actions. We need to teach our daughters (and peers) how to dress modestly and to respect themselves. This is the first step in sexual purity at all levels. (Suggested reading list below.)
Women, let each of us be strong in the Lord with our commitment to promote sexual purity through our appearance and conduct. God will bless our efforts with success.
From: www.ninetyandnine.com web site. September 10, 2007
Carol Clemans is a certified pastoral counselor and provides a teaching and counseling ministry for her pastor Dan Batchelor in Dupo, Illinois, and other churches nationwide.
1. I am not blaming the way women dress as the cause of men being addicted to pornography. Every man is responsible to God for his addiction and cannot lay blame on others. However, as women of God, we must be responsible to God for how we dress so we do not compound the problem for men who want to be overcomers!
All men and women need to read the following books, as all are based on biblical truths of how to overcome sexual sins and to help people to heal from addictions:
Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn/Fred Stoeker w/Mike Yorkey
Breaking Free by Russell Willingham
Every Heart Restored by Stephen Arterburn/Fred & Brenda Stoeker w/Mike Yorkey
Every Man’s Marriage by Stephen Arterburn/Fred Stoeker
Beneath the Surface by Bob Reccord
Focus on the Family also has a specific website that provides information and help for people who battle sexual addictions.
This article “Of Sex and Shamefacedness: Women-Beware!” was written by: Carol P. Clemans