Seven Ways To Avoid God

Author Unknown

I think of myself as an average person. I don’t hate God. As far as I know He has done me no harm. But I do find it difficult to avoid God.

I am not an atheist. I am an agnostic. If there is a God I don’t want to know Him. I prefer to live my own life. The last thing I want is for God to get in my way. So I have set out a personal seven-point plan to avoid Him. With Bibles on display in bookstores, and churches on almost every street corner, my task has not been easy. But here is my procedure:

STEP ONE: I sleep Sunday mornings.

I personally don’t find “sleeping in” that easy. I have the bad habit of waking early, even on Sunday. But I have solved the problem. I told my doctor I was having a difficult time sleeping and he gave me some pills. About midnight on Saturday I swallow two pills and am good until eleven o’clock Sunday morning, which conveniently is too late to go to church.

STEP TWO: As a traveling man I keep hotel and motel dresser drawers closed

In many hotels and motels today a Bible will jump out at you if you open a drawer. I enter my room, hang up my suit-bag and leave my other things in my open suitcase. I carry an off-color paperback with me so if there is nothing to do in town at least I can read myself to sleep. By the way, I don’t accept literature from strangers. When offered literature I politely tell people I am too busy to read it.

STEP THREE: I carefully choose my radio stations

Many cities carry twenty-four-hour religious stations. Some of their music is good but you must be wary because they may be skillfully concealing a sharp hook. Right while enjoying a fine recording, some preacher breaks in to tell you that you are a sinner and need God. I am on to their tricks, so now I dial a station that is really rocking and rolling and feel reasonably safe.

STEP FOUR: I avoid Christian businessmen.

In fact, I am a church member. I seldom attend, but my membership has given me many good business contacts. But one must be careful. I have discovered a fanatical brand of businessmen who would
rather talk to you about God then about gold. I don’t question their sincerity, but it takes money to feed a family, and that is my first concern. When a Christian businessman invites me to church or for Bible study, I usually back cut with, “I have a splitting headache” (that sounds better than a hangover) “and just can’t make it tonight.”

STEP FIVE: I create my own gods.

I have a list of things I would like to do but never have time to get done. So Sunday I play around with the most attractive items on my list. I have come to feel that that is what Sunday is for. Every person should have a hobby and I use Sundays to spend time on my hobbies and to do my thing.

STEP SIX: I see to it that I am “master of my fate.”

It is my privilege to choose to believe in God or to choose not to believe. I accept the old Roman idea that death ends everything.  This makes the whole business of escaping God a lot easier. It allows one to sing with the freedom of a bird, “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.”

STEP SEVEN: I can always kill myself.

This I call my desperate step. I don’t really advocate it and frankly, I am chicken. But I know it happens many times a day. Self- destruction is a way of escape. However, it leaves me a little cold. Questions pop into my mind. Is it a cop-out from life? Is it really escape? Does one avoid God in this way or is death the solemn usher that leads me into the presence of God?

Now that I have answered questions on what I can do to avoid God I find myself faced with an even greater question. If there is a Supreme Being who loves me, why should I try to avoid Him? Is my attempt to hide from God inconceivable conceit? Would I not be wiser and happier to accept His love? Is it not the fool who says in his heart “There is no God?” Why run from God? His invitation is pretty inviting for a man who is tired of running: “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew

After running for so long I gave God my worries and accepted His rest. I found it so easy. I just said, “Jesus, You please take my sin and I will take Your salvation.” God and I made the trade and I am no longer running, I am resting in His salvation. I have thrown my list away. If you will do what I did, you won’t need your list either. “And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Acts 2:21).

Written by: Dick Hillis

Computers for Christ – Chicago