Ten Steps to Turn a Normal Child into a Drug Addict or Alcoholic

by: Ralph H. Gundlach

1. Spoil him; give him everything he wants if you can afford it.

2. When he does wrong, you may nag him, but never spank him (unless he is showing signs of independence).

3. Foster his dependence on you, so drugs or alcohol can replace you when is older.

4. Protect him from your husband and from all those mean teachers who threaten to spank him from time to time. Sue them if you wish.

5. Make all of his decisions for him, since you are a lot older and wiser than he is. He might make mistakes and learn from them if you don’t.

6. Criticize his father openly, so your son can lose his own self respect and confidence.

7. Always bail him out of trouble so he will like you. Besides, he might harm your reputation if he gets a police record. Never let him suffer the consequences of his own behavior.

8. Always step in and solve his problems for him, so he can depend on you and run to you when the going gets tough. The when he is older and still hasn’t learned how to solve his own problems, he can continue to run from them through heroin or alcohol.

9. Just to play it safe, be sure to dominate your husband and drive him to drink too, if you can.

10. Take lots of prescription drugs yourself, so that taking nonprescription drugs won’t be a major step for him.


1. Start out by using the ten easy steps followed by the alcoholic’s mother, but this won’t be enough.

2. Show your love for your son by protecting him very carefully. Don’t let him play football or baseball with the other boys, he might get hurt! Don’t let him be a newspaper boy or patrol boy; he might catch pneumonia out in the bad weather.

3. Be sure he spends lots of time with you and very little with his father (or any adult males).

4. Teach him to sew and cook, and how to knit too. After-all, sexist attitudes about chores are out of date nowadays.

5. Walk him to and from school so none of the bullies will beat little Johnny up.

6. Let him play consistently with the little neighborhood girls or his sisters and their friends. There just aren’t any boys his age in the neighborhood that you want him to play with.

7. Joke with him about the feminine name you gave him, and tell what a cute girl he would have been. Tell him that you really had wanted a girl and dressed him in his big sister’s clothes when he was little. That way, when he reaches puberty and his contemporaries start falling in love with the opposite sex, he can too, with boys, since he thinks of himself basically as a girl. If your baby is a girl, just follow the same principles in reverse: call her Jack, never make her wear a dress, and don’t spend much time with her, since she prefers playing football with her father anyway.

Homosexuality is on the rise in today’s society. And with the Women’s Liberation Movement, more and more weak men are feeling threatened by women and choosing homosexual rather than heterosexual relationships. The practice of homosexuality, just like drug addiction or alcoholism, is a choice, not an inherited disorder. And a sinful choice at that. God’s way is still the best way. Learn it and live to the fullest.

References for this article:

Gundlach, Ralph H. “Data on the Relation of Birth Order and Sex of Sibling of Lesbians Oppose the Hypothesis That Homosexuality Is Genetic.” Annals of the New York Academy of Science. 197-1 79-81, May 25,1972

Siegelman, Marvin. “Birth Order and Family Size of Homosexual Men and Women.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 41:164,Aug.,1973

Weitzman, Elliot L., Charles A. Shamoian, and Nikolas Golosaw. “Family Dynamics in Male Transsexualism.” Psychosomatic medicine. 33:289-99, July-Aug.,1971