They’re Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services…
* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
* Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
* Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I Will Not Pass This Way Again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
* The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper-Sunday at 5:00 PM- Prayer and medication to follow.
* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* This evening at-7 PM-there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
* The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge…Up Yours’
* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
This article “Bulletin Bloopers” was excerpted from the book: Big Book of Church Humor. Written by Tim Galt. Navpress. 1978. It may be used for study & research purposes only.
This author may or may not be an Apostolic author, but it contains many excellent principles and concepts that can be adapted to most churches. As the old saying goes, “Eat the meat. Throw away the bones.”